Elder W. Douglas Shumway
Of the Seventy
In a society where marriage is often shunned, parenthood avoided, and families degraded, we have the responsibility to honor our marriages, nurture our children, and fortify our families.
Shortly after I was married, my three brothers and I were sitting in my father's
office for a business meeting. At the conclusion of our meeting, as we stood
to leave, Dad stopped, turned to us, and said: "You boys are not treating
your wives as you should. You need to show them more kindness and respect." My
father's words penetrated my soul.
Today we are witnessing an unending assault on marriage and the family. They
seem to be the adversary's prime targets for belittlement and destruction.
In a society where marriage is often shunned, parenthood avoided, and families
degraded, we have the responsibility to honor our marriages, nurture our children,
and fortify our families.
Honoring marriage requires that spouses render love, respect, and devotion
to one another. We have been given sacred instruction to "love thy wife
with all thy heart, and . . . cleave unto her and none else" (D&C
42:22).
The prophet Malachi taught: "The Lord hath been witness between thee
and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet
is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. . . . Therefore take heed . . . and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth" (Malachi
2:14–15). To live our life with the wife of our youth, keeping covenants,
acquiring wisdom, and sharing love now and throughout eternity is a privilege
indeed.
I am reminded of the expression, "When the satisfaction or the security
of another person becomes as significant to one as is one's own satisfaction
or security, then the state of love exists" (Harry Stack Sullivan, Conceptions
of Modern Psychiatry [1940], 42–43).
Marriage is meant to be and must be a loving, binding, harmonious relationship
between a man and a woman. When a husband and a wife understand that the family
is ordained of God and that marriage can be filled with promises and blessings
extending into the eternities, separation and divorce would seldom be a consideration
in the Latter-day Saint home. Couples would realize that the sacred ordinances
and covenants made in the house of the Lord provide the means whereby they
can return to the presence of God.
Parents have been given the sacred duty to "bring . . . up [children]
in the nurture . . . of the Lord" (Ephesians
6:4). "The first commandment
that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as
husband and wife" ("The
Family: A Proclamation to the World," Liahona, Oct.
1998, 24; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102). Our responsibility, then, not
only is for the well-being of our spouse but extends to the watchful care of
our children, for "children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalm
127:3).
We can make the choice to nurture our children accordingly and "teach
[them] to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord" (D&C 68:28).
As parents, we must regard our children as gifts from God and be committed
to making our homes a place to love, train, and nurture our sons and daughters.
President Thomas S. Monson reminds us: "The mantle of leadership is not
the cloak of comfort, but the role of responsibility. . . . 'Youth needs fewer
critics and more models [to follow].' One hundred years from now it will not
matter what kind of a car we drove, what kind of a house we lived in, how much
we had in the bank account, nor what our clothes looked like. But the world
may be a little better because we were important in the life of a boy or a
girl" (Pathways to Perfection [1973], 131).
Although life sometimes makes us weary, impatient, or too busy for our children,
we must never forget the infinite worth of what we have in our homes—our sons
and our daughters. The task at hand, a business engagement, or a new automobile
are all of benefit but pale in value when compared to the worth of a young
soul.
John Gunther, a father who lost his young son to brain cancer, urged those
who still have sons and daughters to "embrace them with a little added
rapture and a keener awareness of joy" (Death Be Not Proud: A Memoir [1949],
259).
President Harold B. Lee told of a great educator, Horace Mann, who "was
the speaker at the dedication of a . . . boys' school. . . . In his talk he
said, 'This school has cost hundreds of thousands of dollars; but if this school
is able to save one boy, it is worth all that it cost.' One of his friends
came up to [Mr. Mann] at the close of the meeting and said, 'You let your enthusiasm
get away with you, didn't you? You . . . said that if this school, costing
hundreds of thousands of dollars, were to save just one boy, it was worth all
that it cost? You surely don't mean that.'
"Horace Mann looked at him and said, 'Yes, my friend. It would be worth
it if that one boy were my son; it would be worth it' " ("Today's
Young People," Ensign, June 1971, 61).
Loving, protecting, and nurturing our children are among the most sacred and
eternally important things we will do. Worldly belongings will vanish, today's
number-one movie or song will be irrelevant tomorrow, but a son or a daughter
is eternal.
"The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny
of His children" ("The
Family: A Proclamation to the World").
Therefore parents and children must work together in unity to fortify family
relationships, cultivating them day in and day out.
I have a brother who was associated with a large university. He told of a
student athlete who was an outstanding hurdler. The young man was blind. Rex
asked him, "Don't you ever fall?" "I have to be exact," the
athlete responded. "I measure each time before I jump. One time I didn't,
and I nearly killed myself." The young man then spoke of the countless
hours his father had devoted over the years teaching, helping, and showing
him how to hurdle, until he became one of the best.
How could this young man fail with a team like that—a father and a son.
Young men and women, you can be a great influence for good in your homes as
you help to achieve worthy family objectives. I shall never forget the family
home evening, years ago, in which the name of each member of our family was
placed in a hat. The name you picked from the hat would be your "secret
friend" for the week. You can imagine the love that filled my heart when
I came home that Tuesday after work to sweep out the garage, as I had earlier
promised, and found it cleanly swept. There was a note attached to the garage
door which read, "Hope you had a good day—your secret friend." And
on Friday night, as I turned down my bed, I uncovered an Almond Joy, my favorite
candy bar, wrapped carefully in scotch tape and plain white paper, with a note: "Dad,
I love you a lot! Thanks, your secret friend." Then to top it off, after
returning home from a late meeting Sunday evening, I found the dining room
table beautifully set, and written on the napkin by my place were the words "SUPER
DAD" in big bold letters and in parentheses, "your secret friend." Hold
your family home evenings, for this is where the gospel is taught, a testimony
gained, and the family fortified.
Although the adversary seeks to destroy the key elements necessary for a happy
marriage and a righteous family, let me assure you that the gospel of Jesus
Christ provides the tools and teachings necessary to combat and conquer the
assailant in this war. If we will but honor our marriages by imparting more
love and selflessness to our spouses; nurture our children through gentle persuasion
and the expert teacher we call example; and fortify the spirituality of our
families through consistent family home evening, prayer, and scripture study,
I testify to you that the living Savior, Jesus Christ, will guide us and grant
us victory in our efforts to achieve an eternal family unit. I so testify,
in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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