Social Survival

It started with a phone call. Elmer wanted to ask Geraldine for a date to the prom, but she hadn’t been his first choice. So when Geraldine answered the phone, Elmer blurted out, “I couldn’t get anyone else to go with me; do you want to go?” This approach did nothing to make Geraldine feel special, so she answered, “Let me see. I’ll have to check the television schedule first.” Arriving at the dance, Elmer let the door swing shut in Geraldine’s face. She, in turn, left Elmer in an awkward situation when she huddled to talk with her girl friends and left him standing alone.

The situation may be a little farfetched, but the antics of Elmer and Geraldine doing all the wrong things on a date started a discussion on dating manners at a series of workshops held by the Ammon Stake in Idaho Falls, Idaho. The skit was a way of introducing a discussion on the subject, and the majority of the audience agreed that they are impressed by a polite girl or guy as a dating partner.

Good manners are more than just knowing which fork to use at a dinner party or whose name to say first in an introduction. Manners involve learning to get along with people, having consideration for others’ feelings. Knowing good manners lets you make a good first impression so new acquaintances have a chance to really get to know you. In other words, manners are a survival technique.

Learning good manners is a way of becoming a more effective missionary. Respect for other nations’ customs was the topic assigned to three returned missionaries. Dressed in a long kimono, one elder explained some of the manners of the Orient, where a bow replaces a handshake, shoes are slipped off outside the front door, a meal is admired three times before it is eaten, and a gift must not be handed directly to the recipient.

The former missionaries talked about behavior that was considered polite and impolite in the areas of the world in which they served. They stressed that learning proper manners in a foreign country is essential in becoming a caring, effective missionary.

The workshops on manners took place in one evening, but the Ammon Stake is following up by having shorter lessons every month as part of their Mutual activities. These lessons include such topics as ways to make introductions, phone etiquette, and table manners.

When asked if they and their friends need to be told about manners, the Ammon Stake youth were unanimous, “Yes, we do. We need to be reminded.” They realized that good manners are part of social survival.