Grandfather’s Secrets

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older man who looks like a secret agent holding a file full of papers

Illustration by David Green

One day I was thinking about how I could step it up a little as a grandpa, so I asked myself what I most wanted to give to my grandchildren. The answer wasn’t financial help or more fun activities or travel to new places.

The answer was that I wanted to share with them the principles that I felt could help make their lives happy and productive and righteous. I wanted to leave a legacy based on faith in Jesus Christ and His eternal plan of happiness.¹

I thought about what my grandchildren might want to know from me based on my own lived experiences. So I created a list of “Grandfather’s Principles.” The next week I read it to some of my older grandkids in hopes of engaging them in a little discussion.

It fell flat. Their looks seemed to say, “When will this lecture be over?”

I tried changing the name to “Grandfather’s Beliefs” and “Grandfather’s Tips,” but those didn’t work any better.

Then one summer at our family reunion, while I was with some of our elementary-age grandkids, I repurposed my list as “Grandfather’s Secrets,” and boom—I suddenly had their interest and their attention. I even had their curiosity!

Things got better from there. I polished my list of principles/beliefs/tips/secrets until I had 10 of them that were simple and basic but that genuinely reflected what I thought was most important and what I felt were the top-10 life guides that I wanted to share.

Nowadays, I spread out discussing these with each grandchild over a 10-year time period. When our grandchildren turn 8 (the age of accountability), they receive the first three “secrets.” When they are 10, they get one more; when 12, two more; when 14, two more; and when 18, the final two.

I give rewards and recognition for learning them. Some have memorized them. We talk about when and how they have applied them. I text back and forth about them with the grandkids who are old enough to have a phone. At reunions we have group discussions where they share examples of using them in everyday life. Older grandkids tutor younger ones on what the “secrets” mean and how they work.

What follows are a few examples from my list, but coming up with your own list of “secrets” is important. They will not be the same as mine. Far better, you will list some principles that have shaped your life. You will have personal stories about them, and those stories will lead to questions and discussions—and to meaningful communication with your grandchildren about important ideas. They will become your legacy in the minds of your grandchildren.

As you ponder this and think about your grandkids’ needs, which should be reflected in your secrets, you can use the Church’s new For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices as a thought prompter.

As additional thought prompters (and with permission from my grandkids), here are some of my secrets:

• Jesus Christ: In the great drama of life, Jesus Christ plays the leading roles of Creator, Savior, Light, and Judge. Any family or individual who centers his or her testimony and life on Christ cannot fail. (See Helaman 5:12.)

• Choices: The Holy Ghost can help you with all of your choices and decisions, large and small. And many of the large ones can be made in advance. (See 2 Nephi 32:5.)

• Joy: Joy is the purpose of life and a choice you make each day (see Galatians 5:22; 2 Nephi 2:25).

• Popularity: Good popularity comes from being nice to everyone—and it lasts. Bad popularity comes from being nice only to certain people—and it doesn’t last. (See Luke 6:31; Mosiah 2:17.)

• Relationships: Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is a bright and beautiful and miraculous thing and is a gift from God.² Any other uses of sexual relations will darken the light.

• Money and Freedom: Money is a means and not an end; a tool to be used, not a status to be gained. Too little or too much enslaves, while having enough liberates. The “give 10 percent, save 20 percent, use 70 percent” principle ensures “enough and to spare” (Doctrine and Covenants 104:17). The two best uses of money or other resources are “broadening and contributing,” which is our family’s vision statement.

Whenever I have a somewhat private moment with a grandchild or two, I ask them to give me an example of how they applied one of the secrets in the past or how they imagine they might apply one in the future. For the ones who live farther away, I text hypothetical situations they may find themselves in when one of the secrets might come into play, and I ask them to text back about what they would do.

I pray that my grandchildren will learn from pondering, memorizing, and using these secrets and that we will know each other better as we discuss them. I learned a lot about myself from writing them, and I’m still learning important things about my grandkids as I try to teach them.